I thought it would not happen this year for the first time ever. That sorrow state of being I become on New Year's Eve that I'd wish I could just die.
Even as it was approaching, my heart didn't feel at its usual heaviness. I don't want to jinx it but I have a feeling 2010 is gonna be a pretty good year. See, now I've really jinxed it so good luck to me.
Today upon the realization that it's the last full night of 2009, it happened. The all too familiar sadness.
I
want
to
DIE.
Just curl up and sob and puke my guts out and cry some more. Nauseated.
Last night of 2009 and I still. Still.
:(
I'm gonna try to sleep now, thinking about the people I never got over missing.
Maybe ever.
Suddenly I become part of the past I become a part that don't last I'm losing you And it's effortless - The Fray's Over My Head
(2:07 AM)
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
KEY LIME PIE
My friend, Martie Stewart Tan, is planning, by some miracle, to whip up this divine thing, that is, my favourite cake in the world.
If the conversation stretches for another day and the damn thing is not made yet, I don't know what to say except, CMI LAH YOU!!!
And when he eventually succeeds, if he's even half the good friend that I think he could be, he will gimme some cos I've been such a wonderful listener.
That is not a hint, it's a request, blinking in bright neon billboard lights.
Thank you in advance, Martie!
Hey at least I'm not broadcasting your real name, right?
LOL.
(11:34 PM)
INTRODUCING
I'm falling head first over this band called the Stiff Dylans.
Kinda punkrock. Catchy. I don't know. I think they got plenty potential. They haven't even cut a proper album yet so I'm kinda bummed out I can't even buy it online.
Cute Brit'ish blokes. Always a pull. Haha.
(12:25 AM)
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
YOU KNOW IT'S CHRISTMAS..
When my workstation is all decked up like this:
When cheery poppy X'mas songs are coming out of my speakers.
When my desk is littered with all good yummy things like this:
And when convo like the one below happens in Skype world:
[2:08:03 AM] f: siao la im wrapping xmas presents until i wanna vomit [2:08:09 AM] f: where to hire elves ah
[2:08:54 AM] f: oh good then i no need to give u [2:09:00 AM] f: minus one wrapping [2:09:03 AM] f: thank god
[2:10:22 AM] howie: wah lau! [2:10:33 AM] howie: i'll take mine without the wrapping thanks
Hahaha.
Happy holidays everyone!
(2:35 AM)
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
KID @ HEART
Met two of my oldest dearest friends for waffles followed by the Princess and the Frog. Hur hur.
Let's just say, my love for classic Disney's hand-drawn musical animation has been renewed!!! *HEARTS*
It's no Lion King but oh the music and the drawing! The 2D-no-CGI drawing! Gosh, made me forgot I was 24 for awhile there.
If you, like me, have some of your best childhood memories with Disney in it, then you're in for a real treat.
Two of my favourite songs in the artful adventure:
I wanna dance and spin around all over the house now. :D
Disney has a way of making you check your cynicism and skepticism at the door. Unapologetically, I took it all in, tapping to the beat. The twinkly fireflies, the cliched gushes proclaiming love love love, the rose-tinted view on life, the amazing art work. All of it. This despite the rushed fairytale ending. So mock me, I don't care.
Walking back on my way home, I got to thinking. The most important thing in life is your family, well for me at least. There are days you love them, and others you'd want to almost murder them. But in the end, they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself.
And to that family I have the luxury of choosing; Aish and Madhz, thank you for still sticking around.
Sigh, reunions. They are always far too short aren't they?
(2:16 AM)
Monday, December 14, 2009
PRETTY PASS
Check this out.
So charmingly dainty looking, my ticket to this coming Thursday's gig. And yes, I plonked it in my mum's vase of flowers for this shot. Haha.
Psychhhheddddd.
(6:24 PM)
Sunday, December 13, 2009
POST-GIG GUSHFEST
I'm not one who goes for looks. Guys I like, when I reveal their identities to people, are more than often met with a quizzical expression, a grimace, followed by a resigned "Whyyyy F?"
But that is not to say that there isn't a look out there that does make me pause dead in my tracks to make a double, triple turn. And if I were to present to you the image of the physique of a guy who will make me do just that, be a complete humsup that is, then that man will take shape of... no, not Taylor Lautner... but the lead singer of Raygun.
No he's not hot, and from some angles he looks kinda like a girl. But he's very very VERY appealing to me.
So the lil gig happened at Zirca a few hours ago. Raygun's a real fun band. Music you can dance to, not emo at all.
Although having said that, Mary and I were two out of the three people dancing to it. The crowd was mellow.
I turned to Mary and hissed, "What crappy boring audience! What's wrong with them?"
"They are all at Zoukout la!"
It's true yunno. The happening people are all on that other island tonight. So if Sentosa sinks overnight with all those people on it, life will be bleak for the rest of us and clubs can just shut down. Hur hur.
Look at him in his rad skinnies and gold jacket. And when he moves, it's pretty hard to take your eyes off of this one. He's what my colleague Mich would call one-of-those-lean-indie-boys.
He stood at the edge of the stage, still singing, leaned over, looked straight intent into my eyes, face inches from mine, so close I could feel the warm air coming out of his mouth in the freezing club.
I smiled and looked away.
CANNOT MAKE IT. CMI. FAIL! Totally FAIL.
Mary was like, you could have blown him a kiss or something! And I could have. In fact, in the perfect world, I would be that totally cool spontaneous girl who would just very nonchalantly grab his face and give him a smacker. Right there. But alas, that would remain but just an Ally McBeal moment in my head. Cos a wuss's a wuss and will die a wuss. O woe.
And then during the encore, get this, he did it AGAIN. Came up straight to my face I could see up-close the eyeliner outlining his eyes and the smudges of lime green on his eye lids. You would think I would be all Carpe Diem about the situation by now and freaking react better right?
Of cos not. Got all flushed and dropped my head to admire my shoes. Which if I may add, looked alot like what he had on his feet too. Pointed, patent black brogue. Oh the bassist above is cute too.
Anyhoo, when it all ended, I made a band-aid call to Ruth asking where the band would be partying it up so we could join them yunno. Yes, BAND AID. Not goupie. Her reply: Zoukout.
-.-
Oh but of course. Where else.
Mary went while I made my way home. So guai hor. I think when it comes down to it, I'm still that shy Asian girl who cannot see herself partying in bikinis or hold a cute guy's gaze.
An L to my name, FAI-L.
p/s: Shout out to Ruth. Thank you for the invite. We had fun! Muaks!
p/p/s: You're looking awesome BTW. Glad I got to see you. Miss you much Lontong!
(1:47 AM)
Saturday, December 12, 2009
ANTICIPATION
A week more to the parents' return! Woohoo!!!
Gawd it's been the longest 30 days of my life. I'm missing the mother's nagging and all those trivial arguments with dad. Just having them around the house is comforting, like a cup of hot cocoa on a rainy day.
They text me all the time. Mum would say things like, "Don't forget to off the iron before you go to work" or any other around-the-house reminders. And dad text me asking who made it through SG Idol each week. Hur hur. How cute are they. It's as if they are across the street like that.
Of course there are the usual I-miss-yous and I-love-yous. The family gets affectionate when we are separated by oceans and continents. On normal days, not so much. Typical Asian family. Last my dad was this erm sappy (not a complaint AT ALL) was when I was in Hawai'i.
We are planning the most festive homecoming for them and the whole family is coming over. My aunt is preparing lunch while Jie and I will take care of the beverages and desserts.
Can't wait can't wait!
(11:11 AM)
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
:)
Talk myself in, I talk myself out, I get all worked up, Then I let myself down,
I tried so very hard not to lose it; I came up with a million excuses, I thought, I thought of every possibility,
And I know some day that it’ll all turn out, You'll make me work so we can work to work it out, And I promise you kid that I give so much more than I get I just haven't met you yet.
(1:22 AM)
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
SINGING IN THE RAIN
Yes, title of post is in continuum to the previous one.
When it wouldn't stop raining, u pack up the moping, come outside, skipalong drenched and sing it in. :)
It was a good morning. I saw an unexpected email during the routine daily AM inbox checks and got all giggly. I GIGGLED. I kid you not. And this coming from me, the girl who barely smile, in fact scowl when she wakes up.
On other news, it looks like I'm definitely going for Lenka's gig next week. *GRINS*
Plus, I'm also gonna be checking out this UK band Raygun this Saturday. All these amazing accesses courtesy of collegeandforevermore go-to homegirl, Ruth. Thanks lontong! XOXO.
On top of that, Maddy lands tomorrow. Woots! Been great friends now for eleven years and counting, no joke man.
And there're hearts all over the world to(day).
Hur hur.
(12:26 PM)
Sunday, December 06, 2009
WHEN IT RAINS, IT POURS
Today my heart ached for a number of reasons.
Work was overwhelmingly exceedingly much. My mum called. I could not even speak to her properly cos I was too busy and deadline was looming near. I miss her terribly so not being able to talk to her sucks big time.
Then I got news from Rae about another really really good old friend of ours, of mine, and it was like a jolt to the reality of what our friendship has come to be, how far we've drifted. It got me mad sad. All those walks home and to school together. Sigh. Life.
Everything just added up and for awhile I could not breathe. I just wanted to get into a cab and go home. But some cheena pok show chose to end the same time I decided to walk out so there were aplenty people but no taxis.
In the bus it felt like I could just barf anytime and I wondered if I would wash my bag or trash it say if I'd puke in it. I decided I like the bag too much but I don't wanna deal with vomit. At the rate I get anxiety attacks, I need to hire me a shrink can.
I feel so crappylousyawful.
Oh and Basement Jaxx is coming to SG and I was all psyched til I found out it's at Zouk Countdown Party. I. Don't. Do. Countdowns. Urgh.
Sighhhhh tomorrow will be a better day, or so they say.
Meanwhile I'll hide my head Here in this paper bag Cause if I cant see you Then you can't see me And it'll be okay Fly little bee away To where theres no more rain And I can be me
(11:58 PM)
Thursday, December 03, 2009
MY CURRENT FAVE TUNE: THE SHOW
By my current fave girl, Lenka. She's coming yunno to SG just like every other acts in this world it seems, all united and bent together to squeeze me broke and dry.
This one though I hope to get in for free since she's not so crazy famous. There is hope to wrangle passes. Heh. Nothing quite gets to me than a happy cheery tune meshed with sad lyrics that dig deep into your heart.
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle Life is a maze and love is a riddle I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried And I don't know why
Slow it down Make it stop Or else my heart is going to pop 'Cause it's too much Yeah, it's a lot To be something I'm not
I'm a fool Out of love 'Cause I just can't get enough
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle Life is a maze and love is a riddle I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried And I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment I'm so scared but I don't show it I can't figure it out It's bringing me down I know I've got to let it go And just enjoy the show
The sun is hot In the sky Just like a giant spotlight The people follow the sign And synchronize in time It's a joke Nobody knows They've got a ticket to that show Yeah
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle Life is a maze and love is a riddle I dont know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried And I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment I'm so scared but I don't show it I can't figure it out It's bringing me down I know I've got to let it go And just enjoy the show
Just enjoy the show
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle Life is a maze and love is a riddle I dont know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried And I don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment I'm so scared but I don't show it I can't figure it out It's bringing me down I know I've got to let it go And just enjoy the show
dum de dum dudum de dum
Just enjoy the show
dum de dum dudum de dum
Just enjoy the show
I want my money back I want my money back I want my money back Just enjoy the show
I want my money back I want my money back I want my money back
