My boss sent me packing before lunch even approached. I asked her if she knew I was unwell because I was looking like shit.

She laughed and tactfully said no. She figured it out because the frequency of my coughs and sneezes were rapidly increasing by the minute. I laughed and dutifully took the rest of the day off.

I thought about something as I drifted in and out of slumber in the train on the way home.

You know if I was brave enough, what I would really really like to do , say if I know I was going to die the following day, I mean aside from spending sentimental moments with my loved ones of course, I'd like to sing. In public.

Seriously.

You know I always fantasize about it. Me in an uncluttered, pretty snazzy bar, sitting on a bar stool, a standing mic hovering right in front of me, singing to a small crowd. Singing songs like those I like to accompany my blog in the background. kinda like this one playing right now.

In the ideal world, that would be my second job.

In the real world, I'm pretty much a chicken shit who would literaly collapse from the panic attack derived from being in the spotlight. There's no way I can sit there being in the centre of attention. I would feel so exposed, so naked, so judged. I can't do it, not with these issues.

So in the meantime, I'll keep on dreaming that I could.

Gonna nap now so I can watch the Federer versus Djokovic's match. I'm rooting for Djokovic, aside the fact that the fella's got charisma and that he is kinda cute. Haha.

(2:51 PM)

I enjoyed "27 Dresses" thoroughly.

Granted, my expectation wasn't very high after the editor at the entertainment desk totally slammed it saying it is one of those movies you'll like only if you're really really girly or really really gay.

Also, since that whole tummy-turning episode of Cloverfield, all I demand of any movie is that it uses a professional camera with stable filming.

I have my girly moments yes, but Madhz is not a girly girl and even SHE enjoyed it many much.

And now only I realized James Marsden have the most adorable smile, the kind that makes you do a double take when you catch a glimpse of it in a crowded room.

I wish I can do a proper movie review but I'm tired and not quite up for it.

I'm falling.

Falling sick. *weak smile*

I don't even have the energy to pour over my horoscope proper as per the norm today. I had to settle for a quickie, yunno, shorter excerpts, instead of the whole paragraph of predictions.

The quickie reads: "One of the attachments in your life could be making you sick! Cut someone loose."

I sure am coming down with something (which is devastating because all the yummy CNY goodies are flooding my office and mandarin oranges are so readily available they are rolling on the floor of the newsroom!) and it sure would be great if I'd have it in me to snip off a certain string in my life.

The uncanny occasional truth you can derived from the stars. Tsk.

Where was I initially?

Oh yes, watch "27 Dresses" if you're yearning for some good fun and laughter, because you'll get plenty.

(11:08 PM)

I woke up today to the sound of my beeping cell phone. It wasn't my alarm ringing. I rolled over, reached out for it and read 5 similar messages from 5 different people.

Heath Ledger died.

I never got up and out of bed this quickly before. Literally, I jumped out and flipped open my laptop, not for confirmation because 5 people cannot be ALL punkin' me, more for an explanation.

First stop. New York Times.

"The actor Heath Ledger was found dead Tuesday afternoon in an apartment in Manhattan, according to the New York City police. Signs pointed to a suicide or an accidental overdose, police sources said. Mr. Ledger was 28."

Then I texted 4 other people.

Another Hollywood history made. Tragic, but it was one hell of an effective alarm clock.

I made it out of the house on time for once.

(11:07 AM)

I have a lot of gripes working the morning shift because I'm grouchy and cranky and grumpy and all the bad negative emotions that ever existed really. Takes me awhile to be human again if you know what I mean. Plus the hustle and jostle in the midst of the peak hour crowd doesn't actually help to speed up the humanizing process.

But the one good thing about working in the morning is that I can hang with my favourite people after. Like the recent Monday for instance, Shan, Saffy and I were gallavanting around in Ikea.

I needed stuff for my up-coming room improvement plan and Shan just want to have hotdog and ice-cream. It was mighty convenient for Saffy to be there, so all was well. Somebody's ice-cream plopped on the travellator. HAHAHA. Totally made my day. *heart*

Tonight, I watched Cloverfield with Rae, KQ and Howie. One piece of advice...

DON'T.

Seriously lor. Those chao ang mohs were raving and raving about it saying the entire theatre was anticipating a sequel yadablah. It's like what.. Suddenly degression of cinematic quality is the in-thing?! I wanted my money back. "Cleverly recycled media savvy" my ass!

The whole thing was done using a hand-held camera ala The Blair Witch Project. Not the best move clearly. It felt more like an uberly long motion stimulation rather than a movie. If you enjoy getting woozy, then, by all means, knock yourself out.

Some of the comments made during the film:

Me: Okay I want to hurl.

Howie: Please don't say 'hurl'. Cos I think I need to.

*****

Me: Okay is it ending? Is this it?

Howie: Please let this be it.

Me: Yes yes please end now.

(movie went on relentlessly)

Howie: Fuck.

*****

Me: Oh my god cannot take it... *starts massaging head*

KQ: Deep breaths babe, deep breaths.

*****

(Movie ended, credits rolled)

KQ: Can we just sit here for abit?

Me: Yes I think I need to regain my bearings.

So yes, to put it mildly, it wasn't our cup of tea. If you actually need a major recuperation regime after a movie, you know it was wayy too much work invested into the film on the audience's part than necessary. It wasn't good for the stomach ok.

Only thing I actually like the entire time I was fidgeting in the theatre was the hot girl who played Beth. She looks like Megan Fox but wayyy prettier. I didn't think it was possible but it is my friends, it is.

This puke-inducing movie absolutely justifies my enthusiastic anticipation to watch something stable like 27 Dresses, hang with Madhz before she leaves for Melbourne again.

So eventful this week. Me like.

(11:38 PM)

With a party theme like that you know it's going to be one girly affair. Funnily enough though, for a girl who grew up playing Barbie and Polly Pocket, I could not find a decent going-out top in pink.

I mean there are those camisoles I wear to bed but who would run around in PUBLIC in that right? (Not me clearly) And you say I have more than sufficient clothes in my wardrobe?!

Okayyy I totally sound like a ditz up there. Oh well, I need my doses of trashy tv and shallow talks if I have to go back into the newsroom tomorrow to discuss the U.S. elections at great length and with some (fake) intellectual depth. Life is all about balance okay!

I finally put together something, resisting all temptations to actually go out and buy one. On the way to the stipulated venue, I got a text on my cell: "I think I look like a joke in pink skirt. Pls do not laugh later. Much appreciated."

Some furious thumb movements followed immediately after as I replied: "But how can I not laugh at a joke? Ok will try. I'm in polo tee and all efforts go towards not looking like a female version of Btan."

Hahahaha! I made her laughed with that too. Erm sorry B, I know "(you) got fashion" and I believe you. =)

Anyhoo, we did girly things like delved into Palmistry. I'm very into chiromancy of recent. It was fun dishing out stuff and knowing how a friend apparently has "crude sex drive". Okay we learnt more than that but strangely that's pretty much all that is retained in my memory! Haha!

Oh apparently, I will actually end up being married. And it's going to be a good happy one too! Who would have thought ehy? Maybe Shan is right. Maybe I don't need to hit the first base. Maybe I'll go straight for the home run.

Righttttt. Keep telling yourself that babe.

(12:54 AM)

Embarking on a trip with the extended family used to be so frill-free, it used to be fun. All I have to do post-trip is to ensure that I've packed my swimming costume, a couple of cute tops, my iPod or whatever music-producing gadget that fits the time period, a good book and I'm all set to go.

At the very most, along the way, I become the appointed babysitter and games coordinator (by default) for the little cousins so they'll be occupied enough not to bug their mummies and daddies. And it is actually a job I like.

But alas, the older you've become, the greater the responsibility these adults throw on you. All of a sudden I'm booking flights and accommodations and frankly the entire process is causing me massive internal bleeding. No, seriously, I can feel the blood seeping out and flooding my insides.

I mean, everyone has an opinion ya... Fine. But how the hell do I compile all these marvellous suggestions you've dispensed and perform this miracle that would satisfy everyone?! It's freaking impossible and no matter how many inspiring Adidas commercials I watch, nothing is going to be perfect for everyone.

The going back and forth about attendance, meal requirements, the fickle decision-making... ARGGH!!!! Many times I find myself telling my mum, "Mum I'm done dealing with your siblings, I love them, but right about now I'm going to kill them all."

Then there's this aunty who insist we get an apartment that could fit all of us. Erm, frankly, I'd rather stab myself in the eyes. The entire freaking family under the same roof, in the same room?!!! Major intimacy issues here, harlow!!! The much needed space, the bubble, HARLOW!!!

This is why I rather travel by myself. I'm a Lonely Planet solitude traveller. I'll bring one person with me, two tops if I really really REALLY like their company. Because I'm not liking this version of me that harbours murderous thoughts about my own flesh and blood.

Oh I'm not swearing off big-group travelling for good. I'll do it again with conditions. Condition actually, singular. I'm making ALL the decisions or NONE at all.

(12:13 PM)

Warning: Following blog entry is the least bit insightful. Brace yourself for some shallow ramblings and frivolous observations.

For a lot of shows out there, there's a bumper girl. This is derived from Lorelai's bumper theory of course. Yunno, the girl who goes along for the ride without actually being in the car. The girl who semi-exists on the sidelines, suffers silently but still hangs around because she's been plagued by the disease of unrequited love.

I normally feel the deepest affinity with the said bumper girl. No one actually remembers them because they hardly make any impact but they are normally my favourite character of the story. Maybe I get them, maybe in some sick Freudian way, I see myself in them.

She's not the ugly outcast, noooo. In fact, she normally comes in an adorable package. She's not drop dead gorgeous but she is cute, spunky, with character and realistic dimensions. She's smart, funny and makes the best company to the main guy of the show but she never quite makes the cut. Because boy have his eyes on the main girl.

So bumper girl takes her spot subserviently, well, at the bumper. And no matter how much it hurts, she sticks around because she is eternally cursed to care for main boy. She cares.

Time for some examples.

The O.C. Anna. God I love that girl. She's cute, has impeccable style, is incredibly funny and really, you know Seth loves hanging with her because she's damn good a company. Only problem is, she is not Summer. So no matter how appealing she is and gets, he may be THE boy but she's never going to be THAT girl.

Gossip Girl. Vanessa. No one gives a shit about her but I perk up when she walks into the frame. So so cute, amazing fashion sense, great personality, very eloquent, has impressive street cred and knows main boy Dan inside out, left, right, centre. But we all know she is always going to be the Best Friend never the Girlfriend. Her only fault is that her first name is not Serena and her last name not Van Der Woodsen.

Of recent, One Tree Hill. Peyton. Before we go into that I am ecstatic that the show's back for its fifth season! Woohoo!!! See, Peyton hasn't always been the bumper girl but with the new addition of Linsey who has swept the heart of the very sexy Lucas away (the stubbles on his face this season is so working for me), she has joined the cursed club of girls who are on the outside, looking in. Peyton used to be the hot one but next to Lindsey who looks like she has just stepped out from the Victoria's Secrets runway, she falls perfectly into the bumper girls' category.

With that laid out, I think that no matter how hard it is to let go, bumper girls in the real world should just. Because stepping back, you know you'd rather watch that ride fades into the horizon, sit on the curbside and wait for the next ride you can actually be a significant part of.

I mean, I totally get that for every story, there has to be the canafare. But if you can't even be the leading lady of your life story, then isn't that just sad?

(10:43 AM)

me® says:
im gonna go to ur house now and get the remaining episodes of entourage

me® says:
why do u gimme in phases KQ... it's highly tormenting!

KQ says:
what are you talking about?!

KQ says:
there's no more Entourage!!!

KQ says:
you've S4, right?!

me® says:
but season 4 stops at episode 14 only?!

KQ says:
yeah.

KQ says:
it just stops there!

KQ says:
so deal with it

KQ says:
"The Cannes Kids"

me® says:
it's done?!!!!

me® says:
done at cannes?!

me® says:
noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

me® says:
really?

KQ says:
haha

KQ says:
yeah it just ends there!

KQ says:
and because of the WGA strike

KQ says:
it's put off indefinitely!

me® says:
kanna sai

KQ says:
there are only scripts for 2 more episodes written

me® says:
the damn strike is messsing up my life!

(1:50 AM)

First things first, Saffy, happy happy happy birthday baby! This is YOUR year hun... I can feel it. *winks* But it can only be yours for the taking if you let it be so. You know, sometimes it's okay for it to be all about you, you, you and YOU for a change. Twenty-three is going to be the beginning of it all sweetie. Cheers!

It went great if I may say so myself, Saffy's little thang.. well, almost. We definitely got the surprise element in the bag because apparently, by her own admission, the lady did not catch on at all. So, when we pulled the cake stunt on her during the sleepover, it was ssssweeeeet.

Oh but next time I get the brilliant idea to relive a movie scene, in this case, Cameron Crowe's "Sixteen Candles" (which I have the softest spot for), please for all of our sakes', tell me to GO AND DIE.

I was anal and stubborn, simply refusing to do the typical two big candles and three small ones. NoOOOooo, I was all about the aesthetics. I was ambitious (and smug) and wanted all twenty-three of the exact-same-sized-candles lighted up on that Awfully Chocolate All Chocolate cake.

Process was painfully long and I almost burnt my freaking fingers trying to lit the whole thing up from a flame we disturbingly borrowed from the Buddha's altar. By the time I got the entire thing glowing, or rather, the cake nearly on fire and garnished with melted wax, the very first candle I started on had diminished in size like a shrivelled, stomp-on cigarette butt.

The effect wasn't as I hoped to be but analities had to be shoved aside. We've got a birthday song to sing. Beaming as I walked through the door, singing Happy Birthday at the top of my lungs (Sorry about that girls, pitch wasn't a priority at that time, not dropping the cake on the sofa bed was), I set the cake down in front of the birthday lady.

"Hurry hurry, make a wish and blow the candles!!!!" We urged.

But clearly we should have thought about the freaking fan before we motivated our friend because before she could have even huffed and puffed, my twenty-three candles' effort was swept away by one mere oscillation of the fan in our direction. One word: TAMADE! It was hilarious really.

All was good though because we got to pig out on that divine cake with tea drank from the precious little cups and teapot we got for Saffy. Choice of present can be attributed to subject's love for tea and the her now-ability to unwind over a cute cuppa after a hard day at school.

I won't go into details with regards to the following "very productive" activities we embarked on after, but we only got a brief shut eye when the dawn broke at 6am before we woke up and headed out for brunch ten-ish. It's a miracle I haven't crashed after.

That was some good weekend. Next up on the agenda: Pink Ladies' Partay. Mark it.

(12:01 AM)

(Seriously babe? How much of a sucker can you be? What, just because your immune system is down, your entire emotional system goes into a wreck too? Get a hold of yourself you pile of sap you!)

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

(12:11 PM)

I is sick today.

Took my first MC at the new job. Normally I'll wait till I feel like I'm on the verge of death before I make my way to the doc but I'm determined to get well before the Sorority's Sleepover this weekend.

So, after puking my guts out this morning, I washed up, put on my yoga pants, slipped on my sweater and headed out. I did not even glance at the mirror or combed my hair lor. Just wanted to get it done and over with.

I hate going to the doctor for two reason. One, I'm iffy about strangers touching me. Two, the waiting makes me hella pissed. It's soooo unbearably long and all the sick people qaurantined in the same place within close proximity makes me feel sicker than when I first started out. Germs galore. Harlow how is that condusive to curing our ailments right?

Finally when I was attended to I know why it took these docs so long. My doctor is elderly, kinda like those ladies you see in Golden Girls (Don't ask me how I'm even aware of this!) and she is a storyteller. Big time. She told me about having to miss her grandniece's wedding because she was sick, that she fed cats near her area, jumping over drains without her children's knowledge, how she took leave to go to church on Christmas but couldn't in the end because because her spine was pressing down on her nerves yadablah yadablah.

I sat there like a gracious, well-mannered girl, giving the approprate reactions at the right time, asking the right questions, all the way thinking, gosh, if she was to do this to every patients, we will all be here for eternity.

So today now that my schedule have been cleared and that I feel and look like total crap, (Sorry Shan Mei, sorry Ruth, sorry for bailing) I'm going to spend my time productively watching more Entourage on my bed the whole freaking day thanks to KQ who is regreting his good deed now after I told him I feel like doing drugs after watching the show at length. I'm not kidding by the way.

The boy only gave me season one and two of Entourage (apparently he thinks I should pace myself) and all of Arrested Development so the second I finished Entourage, I picked up the phone and gave him a buzz.

Me: Can you please please please dig out the rest of Entourage?! Please KQ please! I'm done with all that you gave me!

KQ: You mean Entourage? OR DID YOU FINISH ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT TOO?!

(KQ is the only person I know who can be bossier than me, and he is bent on me watching AD which to him is the best show on the planet.)

Me: Gimme Entourage and when I'm done I'll devote my soul to AD! Promise!

KQ: Haha. Of course I'll bring it. I don't do tv-show-lending with conditions!

Me and Rae have been hanging with our favourite boys these couple of days before they all go back to school. We love these boys because they get us and I feel very unrestricted with my words, actions and demeanor with them.

Howie: Let's do dinner tomorrow?

Me : Tomorrow?! Nooooooooooo. Why not today!

Howie: Why?

ME: Cos I'm wearing a pretty top now!

Howie: Huuhhhh you don't have another pretty top to wear tomorrow meh?

Me: But I want to wear this one with you guys!

See this kind of shallow girly things, I don't just blurt out to any boys because it is NOT okay. But I guess we went through quite a bit together, almost screwed up our future together, came back from the dark abyss together, went to bitchy boot camp together... That now we've come together to this mutually comforting place, unbounded and unconstraint.

Heart much!

(12:31 PM)